The Man's Man

Father's Day has come and past once again and I often take the time to reflect on what kind of father I am or should be to my three beautiful children. This is a somewhat difficult task for me as my childhood itself, while better than some, was not an ideal one. I grew up never actually knowing my father, my biological father, as he and my Mom had divorced when I was very young. I did have a father figure in my life a little later, but even as a child, we did not see eye to eye and it was a very troubled relationship. This relationship has formulated some very strong feelings and beliefs in me which I hope I never pass on to my children. I want them to have fonder memories of their childhood than what I currently hold of my own.

To be honest, when my first child arrived, I really had no idea what I was in for. The roller coaster of emotions as I watched him come into the world. The uncertainty of how to handle new situations as they arose on a daily, if not hourly basis. But we made it, we now have a healthy 13 year old boy who can talk, walk and is extremely academic. When my second child arrived, I felt like I was ready, like I knew exactly what was going to happen. Somehow in all of the excitement, I had forgotten that all we humans are different and have different requirements for satisfaction, even as babies. I am not saying that he was any more difficult or had higher needs, not at all, he was just different and that is what makes all of us special. Now when my third child came into this world, I was ready for anything. We had our little girl at home, a planned home birth, and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. It all seemed so natural, felt so right, to see your child being born in your very own home, immediately surrounded by the love that is felt when you are in a home. I know that I have progressed as a father with every child that has been born and that I continue to progress each and every day. It is a learning experience that I think must continue over your lifetime and where perfection is not likely to be found but you will be rewarded by your own efforts as the children you have raised give you a hug and tell you that they love you, I don't think that anything that could be given by a child to a parent, is greater than that.

I took some time this Father's Day with my children to just play with them, to be silly with them, to teach them, to appreciate them, for without them and without my best friend and life partner, I would not be the father I am today. We had such an incredible time playing volleyball and badminton in the front yard, skipping ropes, chasing each other and giggling like crazy, trying to teach the youngest how to ride a two wheeler while I chased after, crouched low trying to make sure that she remained on two wheels at all times. I can't think of anyway in how I could have spent my time any better than that and it really set up the tone for the day, for even when I was busy doing other household items, they all played together so nicely it was fantastic. This made me realize a few things, firstly, that I do not spend enough time just playing and being with my children. Secondly, we as parents, often believe that we need to go out and spend money to give our children some entertainment or fun, when all that they are really seeking is your time, love and devotion to them. Your recognition of them as human beings, as individuals, as people.

I am not a "man's man". I can't quote sports statistics on demand. I can't tear apart a car engine without a manual and put it back together just knowing it will run perfectly. I can't build something without trial and error. I don't hunt or even believe in the necessity of owning guns to do so unless you can prove that you are going to be able to utilize the entire animal without waste. I cry while watching movies. I cry when I feel hurt emotionally. I bake in the kitchen, I prepare lunches and other meals, I bathe my youngest and dry her hair and put it in pony tails (not as neatly as her mother mind you). I do laundry, I clean, or perhaps I should say I mostly tidy, I dust. I will pretend to sit and drink a tea when my little girl asks me to play restaurant. I tell my kids it is alright to cry if their feelings are hurt or if they are physically hurt. To be perfectly honest I am proud of all these things. I am proud to know that I am teaching all of them that a father can hurt, that he can cry, that he can cook and clean, that he can be silly and play. I try to teach my kids everything I can, how to be kind and respectful to others and to themselves. I try to teach them that failure is an opportunity for growth, a challenge to their spirit and perseverance. I know there is so much more that I need to do with them, to teach them and that I need to show them everyday how much they mean to me. I hope that when my time comes and they are all sitting around talking about me, that they are able to share their personal stories of joy and happiness from their childhood and the experiences we shared as a family.

I am a man. I am a father. I am a husband. I have many roles inside of our home as do all people, regardless of gender. But, I am proud to say I am not a beer swilling, cigar smoking, tobacco chewing, gambling, physically abusive, boys don't cry man's man. For in my humble opinion, a real man cries, a real man admits when he is hurt emotionally or physically, a real man can put his little girls hair in a ponytail. A real man will teach his sons to hug and love unconditionally and to show their appreciation to others. That is who I am and that is who I am proud to be.